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Thank You Josh John in Kuching, Sarawak

Dear Britain,

Should you have voted to leave the EU by the time I wake up – don’t worry – I have a solution that should relieve both remainders and leavers equally. A moment comes, which comes but rarely, when we step from the old to the new….I’ve cracked the #Brexit conundrum!

Cameron needs to immediately apply for Britain to become a Union Territory of the Republic of India.

Whilst historically speaking it seems only right and proper to give India a chance to rule Britain for a few hundred years – it actually makes a lot of sense for the British too!

Worried about jobs? India’s economy is growing 4x faster than Europe’s and will overtake the entire EU’s sometime in the 2030s – becoming twice the size of the EU economy by 2050.

In economic terms alone every young Brit should wish to replace their garish red EU passport with a classy blue Indian one ASAP.

Worried about the future of the NHS? India already provides nearly as many Doctors to the NHS as the EU does – and that doesn’t even include those of Indian origin, born or educated, in Britain. 25,055 Indian v 30,082 EU.

Worried about diversity? With over 100 different languages spoken everyday and adherents of every religion – even Britain’s favourite materialist consumption – there truly is something for everyone here!

Worried about being understood? English is one of India’s two official languages – which will be a huge relief for all those have struggled to communicate with their continental neighbours for all these years.

Worried about not being part of something bigger? India has more than twice the population of the EU. Half of which are under 35, so the bonus is no more worries about an ageing population!

Worried about where to go on holiday? The Himalayas are nearly three times the height of the Alps and thousands of miles longer – there are more sandy beaches along India’s coastline than all the Costas you can dream of – and India has tropical rainforests and even a desert too! Plenty of visa free inter-railing adventures as well on the world’s largest railway network.

Worried about not being ruled by an unelected bureaucracy in a far away land? We’ve got that covered as well! Nowhere on the planet has perfected the shuffling of paper and writing of rules better than New Delhi – what’s more India’s civil servants salaries are more than 10x lower than Brussels. Talk about getting more for less!

British MPs, the whole of Whitehall and even the Royal Family (subject to the return of the Kohinoor) can all be pensioned off at the fast expanding and internationally renowned Best Exotic Marigold Hotel chain in Jaipur. Which would free up the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and much of Central London to become a permanent Bollywood film set. With more viewers than Hollywood this is sure to help keep London’s tourist economy going – which within a decade or two will be mostly Indians in any case.

Embrace the 21st Century. Swap Brussels for Delhi. Say Goodbye to Little Europe and Namaste to Incredible India!

Yours in waiting,

An Immigrant of British Origin,
New Delhi, India

PS. We have lots of ABC Curry so you don’t have to do without.