The existence and use of your phallus may qualify you as a reproductively mature male of the human species, but this does not meet the criteria of a rightly guided father or husband! To qualify for the degree of these responsibilities you must learn how to govern, guide, protect and provide for the creatures of Allah whom your phallus indicates are your charges! To administer your household with wisdom, it is absolutely necessary that you understand the limitation of your abilities and adjust your vision to the collective aspirations of your family and community in order to reasonably approach these goals according to capacity and resources. This requires insight, first for yourself and subsequently for each person under your right hand; the most important of whom is your wife or wives. Unfortunately, most men are not taught how to love or guide their women and children, let alone govern their own soul. How then can they intelligently manage a family with wisdom? Insha’Allah, this reading will help advance you to the front ranks of manhood as a true slave of Allah.
Your wife is not your servant, nor is she your subject, employee, possession or toy! She, like you, is Allah’s servant and his possession, and she’s been specifically assigned to you as your most intimate ally and companion in the struggles of life. You may have purchased the right to enter her body with your phallus as you wish, but you did not purchase her person or soul. These belong to Allah and are not for sale. As the acquisition of knowledge is an Islamic requirement, and as you are your wife’s Imam and Wali, you are therefore obligated by Allah to understand, at the very least, her most basic needs. These are seven in number. There are more, but this is a good place to begin after you have earned the right to sign a contract for the first kiss.
When a man fails to provide his wife with an appropriate environment and protection from outer and inner enemies of her nature and purpose, she has no choice but to make the attempt to do this for herself, albeit at the cost of her own nature as a woman. She becomes like a fish that must not only swim to breathe and seek food at the same time, but must also provide the water best suited for her estate and steer clear of predators at the same time. This is an impossible task, and yet it is one faced by multitudes of women today. And I beg you not to believe the tabloids that flaunt so-called success stories of liberated feminists, because most modern Athenas are somehow failing to fulfill their own natural purpose, even in the face of the greatest worldly admiration.
The woman is naturally disposed to the passive and receptive role, wherein she best utilizes her abilities and talents under the guidance (stimulation) and protection of her husband. This archetypal pattern also reflects the ideal pattern of lovemaking that brings passionate ecstasy to both spouses. But it does not mean she cannot assume remarkably responsible positions in the scheme of things, for it is proven that she can and does. However, the contented successful career-professional lady is only found in partnership with a qualified husband willing to protect, nourish, guide and restrain her for her own best interests. An honest woman – if you can find one – will admit this.
Just as the sperm is received to stimulate new life within the veils of her physical womanhood, so also does she receive what is given to her by her husband as home, guidance and provision wherein she safely utilizes, guards, and develops their entire estate as his vicegerent. The home is her principle domain, out of which she may safely explore the utilization of her talents in public spheres. If she opts for the public domain without such a nest or respect for a husband’s provision and input, she will somewhere fall ill physically or mentally, or lose track of her children’s best interests, or make major errors in public judgments, or be easily hoodwinked by men or women much more cunning than she is. These consequences are inevitable.
Whereas the man’s chief domain is external and active, the woman’s is passive and internal. Her natural submission to this passive and divinely-ordered estate is manifest in menstruation, pregnancy, and subsequent childbirth, over which she has absolutely no control, and to these life-long processes she must submit. The efforts made to override these realities all result in typically feminine disorders over which she has no control. These things simply happen to her just because she’s a woman.
Therefore, it is best for her to acknowledge the essence of her being and submit herself to the naturally normal order of life as divinely given to her by Allah SWT. In this posture she will find her greatest freedom and contentment, especially when placed in the loving arms of a righteous husband. His role is to protect and provide that for which she is best suited to both preserve and care for. Essentially, this is the truth of our human estate, and both roles are equally and ultimately responsible and accountable to Allah swt in the matter. These separate but equal roles require diligence, something people resist because they expect things to ‘just work out’ by themselves, which is akin to believing that Creation just happened – it’s an absurdity! To understand the necessity for this work, we must first have an understanding of faith as described in later chapters in relation to grace and knowledge.
We should also bear in mind that man carries the seed of command, without which the woman’s ovum will not respond to develop a new life. This dual participation in the act of ‘creation’ is holy (reserved for Allah), and as such, it requires conscious attention as an act of worship. Woman does not mature to the fullness of her nature without this male command, so to speak, and neither does the male mature to the fullness of his nature without her freely given submission. Hence, when consummation and conception take place within the boundaries of solemn marriage, an additional grace of Allah is bestowed upon parents and child, giving the new family greater potential as reflected by the word ‘legitimacy’, which is another reason why women seek desperately for legal marriage. Furthermore, it is the wife who becomes fully responsible for the proper utilization of all that is ‘planted’ in her field, and hence, the nurturing of this miracle is what truly matures her. All the husband can do is protect, guide and provide her the means. It is she in whom the mysterious ‘tree-of-life’ takes root, develops its form, and then grows – with or without her cooperation. Therefore, it is best that she takes active and conscious participation in this gloriously passive miracle within her belly.
If she eats what is halal she avoids the toxins that would disrupt the baby’s formation and growth. If she eats too much, she moves her own form beyond the bounds and predisposes both baby and self to diabetic complications or toxemia in the third trimester. If she refrains from gossip and harmful relations according to the directions of her husband and Islamic adab, she avoids the devils of anxiety and their negative influences. She is the field – the enlivened human earth and matriarchal utilizer of what engenders, sustains, cares for and then cherishes human life. In this regard, the husband can do little more than stand his watch and pray as the tree grows. When all goes well, the tree flowers at the ‘quickening’ when the soul arrives and the angels speak forth its destiny, after which the fruit appears at birth; and here we will stop, as it takes two-plus more decades for the fruit to successfully mature, and that is subject for a book on child development.
Woman as Womb
Enshrouded by veils of protection and provision by her husband, a wife becomes his womb in her entirety – head to foot and heart to tongue. Every human seed (ideas and experiences) planted by her parents, companions, and now by her husband, sprout and grow under his watchful eye. If bad seed was sown, he must uproot its useless weed and she must yield to the pain that gives room for the good. She is also the mirror of his soul, reflecting both good and bad: a specter he must confront daily and deal with accordingly. She not only reflects him but also his household and the immediate communal society; without this mirror he would otherwise remain unaware, especially of the needs of his children. In this sense, she is a lamp unto his feet that he might not stumble or trip as he looks out towards horizons beyond her purview. She is also a reminder – his closest and most intimate companion – one who knows and tolerates his faults and by her yielding gentle submission causes him to remember and thereby yield himself to Allah for correction and guidance. It is she who sets this example for both him and their children. The man who does not recognize these realities remains a chauvinist tyrant and worst of Muslims, and has not yet experienced the full potential of marital union and bliss; one reason many men unsuccessfully seek such felicity in illicit affairs. This same man will also fail to treat his wife as an equal as is the case with many Muslims, Arabs and Asians most especially and unfortunately; this a grave cause of the current feminist unrest.
She is not his possession to be bought, as do Arabs with their ridiculous impediments to marriage and consequent deviations from the principles of marital law. Both husband and wife belong to Allah, and are partners in the holy business of marriage, which must adhere to the contractual terms of the bargain equally and with diligence, so that the enterprise yields an acceptable profit for both. A wife is also the place (womb) wherein a man’s vision is nurtured and re-enforced, as did Khadija for the Prophet – a refuge where he is ‘mothered’, comforted, and nursed when wounded or in doubt. To deny this, is to deny her essence and purpose, and thus robs her of the right of that precious dignity attending her as his most compassionate consort and gift from Allah. To consider her a mere outlet for lust is an insult to both her and Allah. What fools men have become!
Should he fail to see the light she reflects or to listen to the music of her soul, his womb will swell and cramp him with misery till he relieves the excess flow of waste or nurtures her songs of new ideas, direction, true needs born of reality orientation as her imam, or tender admonition. If this cleansing or nurturing does not take place periodically, stagnation sets into both spirit and body causing an estrangement from each other as well as their concord as shepherds watching over the words of al’Mussawwir entrusted to them in their children. Without reconciliation (effective communication), the estrangement results in divorce or deviation of form, both of marriage and body. The mosque is torn down even if they remain together in a loveless bond, which latter estate spotlights hypocrisy in one of its major roles.
Hence, the husband is also his wife’s primary physician. He must regularly monitor her spiritual and emotional health, which directly reflect and affect his own. It is he who is responsible to seek out remedies and assure their application, not she – for this is the responsibility of a shepherd. The husband must care for his womb with all this and more in mind, lest he become sick himself in spirit and body… affecting and disabling his work and the primary polity of Allah: his family; and thus, effectively reduce his own authority and potency to serve the Cause of Allah.
NEXT: THE SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WIFE