An Excerpt from The Taqwa of Marriage
by Dr. Omar Zaid
All Rights Reserved
Marital taqwa is achieved through the constant mutual application of loving touches — verbal and not — that lead to and accompany intercourse as a recapitulation of our experience as infants; one that remains a deeply embedded subconscious remembrance throughout life. The babe’s profound need for the reassurance that God will not abandon it is not to be taken lightly; a reality the psychiatric community completely ignores. Consciously or not, the subconscious recall of this experience — for its respective good or evil depending on the subconscious imprint — is what is rehearsed each time humans approach sexual intercourse. It is alsowhy lovers often insist on calling each other ‘baby’, ‘mama’, ‘papa’ or — per the current hip-hop vogue — ‘dog’ or ‘bitch’, depending on one’s worldview.
Ideally, the mother’s natural affection and tender caress is an affirmation that both she and the child have a potent protector (father and husband) who stands his ever watchful guard. For Muslims he is meant to represent Mohammad as vicegerent or Imam (leader and guide. Again, this reassuring constellation of family and affectionate touch are vanguards that clear a path whereby the three human elements: soul, etheric life-force (Isa called it the sense-body) and corruptible flesh are fully integrated and blissfully united in that moment of surrender to orgasmic fana — the quintessence of divine love that repeatedly regenerates the etheric life-force and restores health; a reason some of us maintain a youthful glow even into the wizened decades of life’s struggle. As an element of divine grace, sexual intercourse is therefore holy and represents an act of piety when practiced in remembrance of our Creator, which is also one of the reasons Muslims refer to marriage as a Mosque or house of prayer.
The Heterosexual union in licit marriage (tawaj) completes the human experience of tawheed, without which neither man nor woman can sufficiently remember Allah as divinely intended through the unity of their complementary natures. This conscious union is what truly provides the groundwork for the ‘best of all possible offspring’. Women, much more than men, intuitively know this though they cannot express it. Men, on the other hand and for the most part, just want to get on with it and then return to work, games, or other vices.
The path to orgasm begins in the womb and is guided by touch during the first three-and-a-half years as a confirmation of faith and trust. Without this confirmation, repressed rage is likely to manifest later as sexual deviation linked to vulgar or violent behavior, or the passive aggression of submissive pretense in which the masochist actually controls the sadist by directing and/or limiting the infliction of pain, to include psychological discomfiture. In between these extremes we find varieties of behavior that fly in the face of God’s intended heterosexual norm in man’s relentless search for the comforts God intended when He designed the means for our carnal pleasures.
When faith in Allah and trust in God’s appointed vicegerents are established in the baby’s soul by the age of 18-36 months, the balanced integration of faith, trust and pleasure provide mental constructs that later maintain peace and security in the soul and health in the body, barring other insults. This initial maturation is completed over three distinct seven-year cycles of growth that comprise the first stage of the human’s integrated incarnation. What’s left is the maturation of knowledge and emotional responses to life’s trials and experience with additional seven-year cycles; each one bearing a recapitulation and metamorphic enlargement of the soul’s capacity to attain and practice virtue. This finally results in the attainment of wisdom in thought word and deed according to time, place and social constituency, if perfected with God’s grace and guidance. This is why young people should never be placed in positions of authority until the age of forty or thereabout. It is also why the wicked cunningly do otherwise.
The challenge presented to a husband as the leader (imam) of sexual intercourse (the perversion of which is chauvinist cum sadistic dominance), is to guide his wife to the guilt-free innocent pleasures of an infant-like remembrance of trust, beginning with patient gentleness and tender caress so that her own sexual response system freely mirrors the pristine ‘rest of God’ wherein she once found repose as a babe in the collective embrace of her parents. This overcomes her innate resistance so that she voluntarily welcomes the entry of his manhood and clothes him with the comforts and joy of her own pleasure and reciprocal efforts to pleasure him; a response that serves him much as women cheer champions in battle.
Emotionally and spiritually mature men cannot commit rape because they take no pleasure in intercourse with a woman who experiences neither desire nor pleasure. Aside from the moral imperative, the reason is that a wife’s positive response confirms his masculinity as governor of her pleasure and comfort, both in and out of bed. To the contrary and unless the woman is perverted, rough touch and haste result in tension, non-lubrication of the vagina and muscular spasms (tension and even vaginismus) that reflect an infant’s response to similar handling. Persons with an intact conscience (an aspect of common sense), will experience guilt in such circumstances while those without a sense of shame have been spiritually reprobated or abandoned by God.
Though a man is instantly ready and more than prepared to quickly enter and complete his mission of pelvic thrusting, Allah has ordered his wife’s intrinsic response system to resist him until he performs the rituals of erotic protocol:
(1) He must inform her of his desire (i.e. make an appointment with romantic appeal and good behavior);
(2) When he arrives at her door he must announce himself and greet her in peace;
(3) He must stand aside in gentle foreplay until his call is acknowledged by the release of her vaginal lubrication which then opens the door.
This ritual of sexual etiquette is demanded of him as a discipline and is akin to the ritual worship that opens the door of heaven to receive his prayers. The socialization of this approach to intimate marital relations also engenders the growth of trust and faith for both spouses. Furthermore, these same protocols grant him the grace of patient diplomacy required in social intercourse.
Without this authentic acknowledgment of true-love — this ‘touch’ — all else is inferior or somehow deviates from the course that achieves the perfection of peace and security that allows that old couple to sit on the porch and hold hands after fifty years. On the other hand, folk who enter the marriage bed out of mere carnality have missed the mark and profane their sexuality. Without the gentle approach to intercourse as if one were touching an infant — an act that instinctively acknowledges the sanctity of human life — sex becomes a mere animal act in which trust and faith cannot manifest and, to the contrary, are denied. This is an estate where morality has no place. It is less than human. Hence do sub-human gender benders and envious mimes call each other ‘dog’ and ‘bitch’. Therefore, I urge you to make certain that on Judgment Day you do not qualify as such a ‘Canis Dingbatimus’.